Perceptions
by speshulduck
Summary: Cragen ruminates on how perceptions can change


title: perceptions  
  
author: duck  
  
rating: pg  
  
keywords: mild oe, tad bit angsty  
  
summary: cragen ruminates on how perceptions can change  
  
author notes: short one shot fic from cragen's pov. edited for content. thanks to alex for pointing out that cragen's wife died in a plane crash. i had no clue about her. thanks!  
  
In my line of work being observant will oftentimes save your life. On the other hand being too observant tends to make you privy to things you wish you'd never seen. In one minute your entire perception of a person can change just because you saw something you weren't ever meant to see. Private moments reflected in the day-to-day grind of police work can be a dangerous thing.  
  
Take my top detectives for example. We work in the very high-stress special victims unit and these two are my best. They've been partnered almost seven years and, while we get very few lifers in this division, I don't doubt they'll be partners until one of them quits the force. They're just that good together. They feed off one another and watching them work over a suspect is a real privilege, something I'd pay to see. The fact that one of them is a single woman and the other a married man only adds to the dynamic, because let me tell you, the unresolved sexual current that runs through that relationship is enough to short out a couple city blocks.  
  
I must admit I feel really sorry for Elliot. The poor man's married with four kids and every day he has to come in and work with Olivia. His marriage is practically dead from the waist down (believe me, I know it when I see it) and Olivia is a knock-out and a half. I think their attraction is what drives them to do so well together. They can't be together because Elliot would never break his marriage vows and Olivia would die before she forced the issue with him, and until Elliot's wife Kathy decides she wants a divorce, there isn't a damn thing either of them can do about it.  
  
You're probably thinking right, how would I know? I'm their captain. I see them interacting every day and there are enough longing glances and accidental touches on both their parts. There was this one case where a guy had been shot in the back of the head while getting a blow job in the park. Elliot commented that it was the perfect hook-up spot for teens, lovers, co-workers. He placed such an emphasis on the last one that Olivia looked at him sharply and he just stared her down. They thought I wasn't paying attention. Then there's the case we just wrapped.  
  
Crazy guy thought he was doing the "Lord's work," like so many misguided people these days, and was offing pros and their customers mid coitus. We had nothing on the guy except a local radius for the crimes. We figured he lived near by, we just couldn't find him. Three nights we staked out different hang-outs for hookers, and the last time he murdered them right under our noses and still nothing. No fingerprints, weapon, DNA, nothing. So we set up my top two detectives as bait.  
  
They've placed themselves on the line before and it went off without a hitch the second night out; he approached their car with a knife and they disarmed him before he could even make his move. But I think they enjoyed themselves a little bit too much, if you catch my drift. Nothing too overt, they were miked the entire time, but they definitely took comfort in the close proximity. And afterwards they sat together on the front steps of some row house, Olivia covered in Elliot's trench coat with his arm around her shoulders. They draw such strength from each other it makes me long for the days I too had a partner. Days long past. I understand Kathy's jealousy of Elliot's relationship with Olivia. They tell each other things Kathy will never understand.  
  
In the academy they teach you that partner intimacy is the leading cause of divorce among officers. I don't doubt it one bit. Munch has been divorced so many times it seems like he mourns another anniversary of divorce every day. Olivia and Fin have never married. I lost my wife in a plane crash and haven't looked up from my work, or a bottle, since. Aside from Elliot the rest of us are veritable relationship screw-ups with no hope left for a normal family life, and even his is on the way to the trash heap.  
  
I really wish I couldn't tell that, or that Munch wants desperately to find love but has given up, or that Olivia is in a relationship holding pattern because she's hung up on her partner, or that Fin has started feeling the cases too deeply to stay here very long. He and Munch are good together and that's one conversation I'm not looking forward to having. "Hey, cap, sorry but I just can't hack it here anymore. The vics have a voice and I'm not sure I can listen to it anymore." This division is nothing like homicide, robbery, narcotics, anything. Homicide victims are dead, robbery victims are pissed, and narc victims are users. No, there isn't anything like special victims.  
  
Which is why I just calmly sit back and ignore my changed perceptions of my detectives. It would be so much easier to sink back into my comfortable bottle of alcohol rather than face another detective on the fast track for a break down, or a victim crying her eyes out because she sees the face of her rapist in every man on the street. But I can't and I won't. I let it slide and I continue to work as if I haven't seen anything. I'll wait for Fin to come to me, I'll let Munch spout out his conspiracy theories, I'll wait for Elliot to come tell me he finally got a divorce and then I'll tell him to make sure he and Olivia keep it out of the squad room.  
  
There really isn't anything else to do. After all, this is the special victims unit. Perceptions change, good cops don't.  
  
[end] 


End file.
